Martial Arts Grandmaster Comes to America!

Martial Arts Grandmaster Comes To America!

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By ALICIA BREWER, Martial Arts News Today – Grandmaster Kulfi Khota arrived today in Detroit, Michigan, on his first visit to the United States, after a stopover in Toronto to meet the mayor, Rob Ford, an old pen pal. Grandmaster Khota is the sole surviving member of the highly esteemed Kung Pow clan, originators of the infamous Kung Pow system of martial arts.

His trip is in honor of the late Grandmaster Samandhi Bhatananda, whose last wish was to establish a gigantic sports center in a country that has never heard of him and to thus introduce the world to Kung Pow. Bhatananda died recently in a tragic banana peel accident.

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Grandmaster Khota already has a reputation online through his infamous Youtube videos. Despite being called out as a fraud and challenged many times by lifelong martial artists, he seems only to revel in the attention: “They are just jealous because I am so perfect and I know hundreds of different martial arts styles and use exclamation marks everywhere! Buy my videos! They are great! Click Like!”

The Kung Pow martial arts system is a fantastical hodgepodge of Indonesian imitations of various Chinese imitations of operas about martial arts. The beginning forms are simplified for American students and the internal arts stripped of all basic principles, Kufli says these people are un-believers. To memorize these complex series of useless techniques requires many special classes and expensive seminars. The seminars are taught so that students must retake them three to four times before feeling confident about imitating the moves. The cardinal rule for being an instructor in this system is that no student must ever look better than you and instructor meetings are held regularly to change the forms to breed confusion. Instructors are all taught the sacred art of constantly begging for donations and favors.

Grandmaster Khota plans to open the first sports center this coming year, at West Chicago and Livernois in Detroit, one of the worst areas for just about anything. “The rent is free!” the cheery guy said. “We welcome all donations to our illustrious cause! Know that you are doing an important thing today by spreading the system! Everybody needs to know how to pretend they know martial arts! Especially in today’s world! Buy my videos! They are great!

Share Now! Click Like!”

Please send all donations and inquiries to Grandmaster Kulfi Khota, Kung Pow Institute of America, Youtube, USA. Click LIKE!